My parents told me I could name my new pet dog anything I wanted and since I was a mischievous little boy, I decided to name the dog Sex. It seemed funny at first until you understand all the confusion that this caused me in my later life. Like the day that I went to the town hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like to have one, too.” Then, I said, “You don’t understand. She’s a dog.” He replied, “Look, man, I don’t care how she looks.” “No, no, I’ve had Sex since I was 5!” He replied, “You must have been an early bloomer!” *************** When I decided to get married, I told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me I’d have to wait until after the wedding. When I protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life revolved around Sex, he said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life! *************** After my wife and I got married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for Sex. She replied, “Sir, every room in the hotel can be used for sex.” I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!” *************** When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned and said, “Me too.” *************** One day my dog Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this alley at midnight. I told him, “I’m looking for Sex!” My case comes up next Tuesday! *************** Now that I’ve been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever imagined, I’m in counseling. My psychiatrist asked me what my problem was. I said, “Sex has left my life It’s like losing a best friend and I’m so lonely.” He said, “Look, you and I both know that sex isn’t a man’s best friend. Why don’t you go get yourself a dog...!”