Written by Anonymous

9 Jan 2020

My parents told me I could name my new pet dog anything I wanted and since I was a

mischievous little boy, I decided to name the dog Sex.

It seemed funny at first until you understand all the confusion that this caused me in my

later life.

Like the day that I went to the town hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked

me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex.

He said, “I’d like to have one, too.”

Then, I said, “You don’t understand.

She’s a dog.”

He replied, “Look, man, I don’t care how she looks.”

“No, no, I’ve had Sex since I was 5!”

He replied, “You must have been an early bloomer!”


When I decided to get married, I told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the

wedding. He told me I’d have to wait until after the wedding.

When I protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life revolved

around Sex, he said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life!


After my wife and I got married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked

into the hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for Sex.

She replied, “Sir, every room in the hotel can be used for sex.”

I said, “You don’t understand.

Sex keeps me awake at night.”

The clerk said, “Me too!”


When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned

and said, “Me too.”


One day my dog Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me.

I spent hours looking for that dog.

A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this

alley at midnight.

I told him, “I’m looking for Sex!”

My case comes up next Tuesday!


Now that I’ve been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog

than I ever imagined, I’m in counseling.

My psychiatrist asked me what my problem was.

I said, “Sex has left my life

It’s like losing a best friend and I’m so lonely.”

He said, “Look, you and I both know that sex isn’t a man’s best friend.

Why don’t you go get yourself a dog...!”