17 Feb 2017

I chose fact as the genre for this story as it is a fact that the words you are about to read were sent as a first attempt to make contact, an opening message to introduce myself to a very openly horny and very cute, attractive lady who had listed her location as West Wodonga on the dating site I was using to try and meet women. We never ended up meeting, as so often is the case even though you do try your hardest to put your best foot forward!

Hi Bek my name is Joe but I find that name to be so fucking lacking in personality I prefer people to call me Pino P. Pino. People often ask what the P stands for. I'm just writing to let you know that I absolutely love your whole free-wheeling attitude. Also your somewhat cheeky smile and your choice of sunglasses. I have a pair very similar but I've always preferred a brown lense; not surprising when you learn that brown is also my favourite colour. Followed by grey ~ I have had this persistent fantasy for years now of driving to Central Wodonga and spending the evening with an extremely curvy and mischievous brunette who speaks to me only in French for the entirety of my visit until it's time for me to leave - at which point she swears viciously at me in German. As I don't speak a word of French or German, but know the latter to be a very gutteral and aggressive sounding language to most foreign ears, I would assume she's saying something along the lines of "Goodnight my darling sausage salesman, thank you for the wonderful evening, I'll never forget you!" (Of course, at that point I turn to her with a playful smile and produce a long string of authentic German sausages from my coat, handing it to her as a parting gift I then lean forward to make powerful eye contact; she silently and intuitively understands that I'm saying to her "And you know there's more where that came from!" ~ Sadly I never do return with more sausages but the vivid recollections of our single erotically-charged encounter remain firmly etched in our memories for many months to come. And looking back we'll both feel as though the language barrier somehow brought us closer together ~ Just a shame you live in West Wodonga and not Central Wodonga as the fantasy does require that you reside in that section of the city for the whole thing to work. Story of my life it seems - so close yet so very, very far away... REMOVED BY ADMIN