Roll up one and all for baabaa's free advice line.
Ask away no question left unanswered. No topic taboo and no stone left unturned.
Let's have some fun and get some free advice.
Whether it be the plight of the single guy or what is a nuru massage just ask.
And if you are shy just send me a pm and I'll provide you with a personal consultation.
100% free no catch. You dont even have to join my cult.
Seriously though if you want some advice with a dash of humour or wit look no further.
We will even have guest advisors dropping in occassionally.
Ask away
Quote by Infinite_Sky Baabaa How can a sweet innocent girl guard against temptation in this crazy sex filled world? I fear it will drive me insane.
Well sky I see that you have come to the right place for advice. The first step is recognizing that there is a problem. The next step is asking for help. And I'm here to help. Let's get this straight you being the innocent girl that you are need guidance and perhaps a little discipline The next thing I prescribe is to let go a little and embrace temptation. I'll give you a hint. It's not going away anytime soon. And if you are a good girl it may even come up for a visit. Now I didnt want to suggest this as it's a little radical and experimental at the moment but I have a cure. If you want it let me know ;). Only special people can access this level of service. However best part about this upgrade is that's it's free and guaranteed to leave u smiling
Interesting dilemma we have there Deux. I'm not sure whether looking like Benji is a good or bad thing. Well I'm sure he has his fans so I'll take it as a compliment. No relationship there and no baa does not equal sheep and in turn equal NZ.
As for being a half or hooker well I've been called both before. The key to survival in this mean old world is versatility. Especially with the competition and salary cap you need to be able to have the silky guile of a half and at times the crafty gameplay of a hooker.
I hope this advice helps you in your search for the greater meaning ;)
Well Deux a nuru massage ( I should try typing when Im not drinking) is a sensual and erotic Japanese style massage
"The word nuru comes from the Japanese language and it's meaning is "slippery". The nuru massage uses a special gel which is made from deep seaweed and is colourless, tastless, and extremely slippery and smooth. The nuru gel is very cool and comfortable when you apply it to your skin, when getting a nuru massage the masseuse will rub your entire body with the nuru nuru and slide on you for a perfect body to body massage."
As you can imagine when you combine massage, slippery and sensual you have the recipe for a wonderful time ...
I'd be willing to demonstrate if you need further information ... but be warned it can be extremely addictive and not for everyone .. I take bookings and first 5 customers are free .. the rest have the ability to cash in bonus redemption points which are earned from other areas of my available services ;) .....
....... conditions apply etc ..... blah blah blah :twisted:
Baa, we have a problem.
When we wake up in the morning Gaz always has a , ermmm, morning glory and Sheba wants to put it to good use but we have to be at work.
What should we do
Oh ... Sheba count yourself as part of the lucky crew .. for everyone with a problem like this dont even tell me about the ones who suffer in silence with erectile issues .... the amount of calls I get for this ... HELLO!
I also have a remedy which Im sure Gaz will be happy to hear of ... well its called compensatory sex ... its what I offer my clients with special needs and those who have issues with their lifestyle ...
put simply .. Gaz you need to keep having sex all night until you no longer have these morning problems ... no you are probably saying that you already do ... key here is persistence my friend .. keep at it .. get a helping hand if needed ... key is to over index in this area ... to point of exhaustion!
and Sheba ... you have to work on this too ... I can offer my side services to get in practice if required
If all else fails I'm sorry but the job has to go :jagsatwork:
Oh Mr Dynamite surely you jest.
Come on now sing it with me "banana boat da da da da"
Seriously thou I do think this calls for some special treatments. You must remove all pretense and follow my exact instructions. Failure to comply may result in some serious skin blemishes on those hard to reach places.
You must make clothes your enemy and oil your friend. Baby oil and lots of it. Frequent visits to the nude beach and also plenty of sun during lunch hours on the workplace roof.
You will find this taxing and time consuming. Mrs Dynamite may get lonely. But if you are serious as I know you (otherwise why consult the oracle ) then you will succeed.
Remember before u start the treatment take the all important before Polaroid . We all want to see the results. I can even run them on my late night tv show right after Katy Perry on Proactive.
I hope that helps.
Hi Baabaa,
We were recently at Saints & Sinners in Melbourne, violating unsuspecting strangers.
Whilst walking around the place at about 4am, we passed between a pair of rather tall, hunky looking drag queens. One of them felt my (shapely, if I don't mind saying so myself) arse and smiled at me.
As a Saints & Sinners virgin, I don't know what this means. Was I rude in simply smile and continuing walking?
Thanks in anticipation,
Mr Ajsydney
AJ I have had to swot up on this topic.
Was the problem your inexperience at S&S or with trannies? Suspecting it was the later however I do remember mmmm.
Well I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and give you my best full proof advice.
Firstly as a good ass owner you have to expect the occasional pinch and yes a smile should be your default reaction.
In this scenario I believe that you did lead them on. Unless of course you were interested in more I suggest you need to control the default instinct. To do this effectively get those bottomless chaps on (the ones you wore at Mardi GRAS) and get some walking practice on Oxford street. It will sort you out quick smart ;). If that doesn't work a visit to the tool shed should fix it up guaranteed.
Don't say I don't care.
Baabaa, i need your advice. I have a biting addiction that i perform whilst in the throw of orgasm. My poor unaware victims don't know what hit them till its all over and they are covered in bite marks (some of them have scarred!!).. Can you tell me, oh wise one, how to cure this addiction so i don't get a bad biting reputation??
Lindy I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew here (pardon the pun)
I'm a little biased on this topic and as a good practitioner of advice I have to disclose that I don't mind a little bite. Some of my wildest nights have drawn a trickle of claret.
But I'm a professional and here to help. Golden rule is don't get into a situation where you are orgasming in the 69 position. There is no cure or recourse here.
Second rule is to always have your pillow handy and bite down as required. Again practice makes perfect. On second thoughts forget that.
Third suggestion is that you grow to accept this behavior and embrace it. There are things which we sometimes cannot change. Deep seated primal instincts that to suppress only causes long term damage. More damage than any little bite can do.
As for reputation better to have one than not ;) I say.
Quote by Lindyloo Baabaa, i need your advice. I have a biting addiction that i perform whilst in the throw of orgasm. My poor unaware victims don't know what hit them till its all over and they are covered in bite marks (some of them have scarred!!).. Can you tell me, oh wise one, how to cure this addiction so i don't get a bad biting reputation??
i am currently involved with a girl that knows a few of my old friends and there have been rumours going around lately that i have been cheating on her i have not been and wouldnt even think about it... Sorry but i didnt know where else to go for some advice. How can i reassure her my heart is hers and i would never hurt her? And how do i get her to stop listening to bulls**t?
Well sometime no matter how you try rumors get started and you have deal with them one way or another.
All I can say is that if you have nothing to hide then you should not be worried. At the end of the day the truth always comes out whether you like it or not
I guess it's strange to ask such a deep question from a swingers advice line but look in the worse case scenario you can be welcomed back into the world of swinging.
Quote by Infinite_Sky why is nerd sex so appealing?
Nerd sex ... mmmm ... well I must be careful here as I am torn between giving advice online or taking this offline ... my service as you are aware attempts to address the problem but at the same time the experiential technique I employ is recommended ... Well here are some answers : 1. Nerds are passionate ...When a nerd becomes interested in something, they tend to immerse themselves in it entirely. They'll strip a new gadget down to nuts and bolts and re-build it with an xhtml compliant grappling gun. This intense passion can extend to many areas of a nerd's life, not just computers and hobbies ;) 2. The nerd does not only rely on the sexual organs to stimulate ... but also relies on the organ which controls it all .. the brain ... so think about a full body AND mind orgasm! 3. Nerds are articulate and clever ... sex encompasses a sphere which common people can only dream of. 4. Nerds know all the shortcuts. They research your interests, send you surprise gifts, plan your perfect vacation, get the bills and grocery shopping out of the way, write to their mothers, and tease you mercilessly, all while pretending to work. And when you ask them to set up your home Wi-Fi or install a home theater, it's done quickly, expertly and without complaint. In other words, nerds know how to get everything else out of the way so there's more time for sex. 5. Nerds dont shock easily .. have you seen the porn collection of a nerd lol 6. Nerds understand multi-dimensional relationships - they are born to swing 7. Nerds are hot ... they wear the coolest clothes and glasses I could go on with more ... but I do suggest you try a nerd ... and as they say once you go nerd you never go back ... P.S How cool is the big bang theory
Quote by 2BNorti 2b or not 2b, baa, I really need to know?
Ahh the age old question pondered by Hamlet himself ... To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; What say thou .. but I do sense your question lies in another area ... The answer my friend lies within ... search your soul and you will see that it is very clear .. the path is already before you and I am sure that it is one that is now well trodden ;) The slings and arrows of outrageous fortunes .. do echo the trials and tribulations of a swinging couple ... you have navigated through disappointment ... fought through frustration ... immersed yourself in ecstacy ... and today you know that you have found your place ... to be here is where you have chosen ... to be is now .. to be is the answer ... and if that doesnt answer the question ... a one on one counselling service is only a call away ;)
hey baa, this clown i know is helping me with a mmf 3some, he wants me to help him with his ffm 3some fantasy, but im not into the girl on girl thing, what shal i do, please help me oh great baa, lol
Quote by willin2smile hey baa, this clown i know is helping me with a mmf 3some, he wants me to help him with his ffm 3some fantasy, but im not into the girl on girl thing, what shal i do, please help me oh great baa, lol
Willin this is indeed a dilemma. Calling upon my experience with mmf, ffm, mmff, fmfmf squared the thing that first came to mind was the old saying "You can't really know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes" Now when you say this clown I am assuming he is not of the circus variety. So my suggestion to him is to get him to play with the guy in the mmf threesome. Let's see how serious he is with the fantasy. If he can take it in the mouth well you may just have to help him out. But now if he takes it where the sun don't shine well then I'd say he's not only walked the mile but added a swim and bike leg. Now willin I have given some advice for your clown now some for you. I will need your help here. So what about the girl on girl thing do you worry about. Is it the taste of fish taco? Or is there some other reason. I'd suggest the blind fold oral test? I will need some volunteers here and I'm sure we can get some. Now we need to see under the blind fold test whether a woman or man's touch generates the best and strongest response. Be careful though some of my subjects find it hard to get results after one session. Some even have to repeat the procedure for months. Don't worry about this as at the end of the day I'm here to help and will work it out. So call my office for my latest brochure and I'll make the next appointment soon.
Why is petrol in the UK so expensive?
Why is SH Australia so far away?, come to that why is Australia so far away?
Why did the clocks in the UK go back one hour and now I am up and the day has not yet started?
Do Australians like to shag more than their UK counterparts?
Quote by sarah Why is petrol in the UK so expensive? Why is SH Australia so far away?, come to that why is Australia so far away? Why did the clocks in the UK go back one hour and now I am up and the day has not yet started? Do Australians like to shag more than their UK counterparts?
Easiest question so far ;) Since I'm good with figures I can help with these conundrums : Petrol prices are high in the UK because it is a commonwealth conspiracy. The royal family is responsible for this as we in Australia have the same problem. How else do the royals afford the fox hunts? Australia is not far but the opposite holds true. The rest of the world is far from here The clocks in the UK are again linked to the myth which is Stonehenge. If you can explain that mystery then the clocks are simple. This all linked to alien activity and hence again the Royal family. We take baths in Australia so the answer is yes.
Quote by baabaa5 Why is petrol in the UK so expensive? Why is SH Australia so far away?, come to that why is Australia so far away? Why did the clocks in the UK go back one hour and now I am up and the day has not yet started? Do Australians like to shag more than their UK counterparts?
Easiest question so far ;) Since I'm good with figures I can help with these conundrums : Petrol prices are high in the UK because it is a commonwealth conspiracy. The royal family is responsible for this as we in Australia have the same problem. How else do the royals afford the fox hunts? Australia is not far but the opposite holds true. The rest of the world is far from here The clocks in the UK are again linked to the myth which is Stonehenge. If you can explain that mystery then the clocks are simple. This all linked to alien activity and hence again the Royal family. We take baths in Australia so the answer is yes. Fox hunting in the UK is banned now!
Oh wise and worldly baa!
I think I need help! I spend a lot of time travelling on trains and find that I am constantly perusing the other passengers to see if there is a telltale sign that they may belong to the site. But alas, nothing has presented itself so far. These trips can be long and very boring and I often wonder if there is an equivalent to the mile high club for train travellers. These thoughts often leave me in quite a heightened state (many a time I have woken up with my hands between my thighs and breathing heavy, not ideal when the lights are on) and wondering who I could approach to relieve my frustration.
How do I choose, baa? What should I do? I am on the train again tomorrow and the dilemma is truly testing my inner strength.
Please baa, I await your words of wisdom!
Ms A
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