About two years ago Mrs Fire found an old boyfriend in Perth on a very popular website. She fired off a message to him and they started talking, mainly messages and the odd phone call.
Now, living the lifestyle we share here means having a sound level of trust in one's partner, so this was not a particular problem. She visited her family (also in Perth) on a couple of occasions and visited her boyfriend there while in town. Still no problem, he was there and I wasn't, so she had permission to play whilst there. What I didn't know was she was speaking to him on a daily basis on the phone. Three weeks ago he sent her a ticket to Perth for four days to catch up, but on the last day she called to say she wasn't coming home, that she needed to find herself as a person. She says that our relationship remains strong and that she just needs time to sort things out, but this brings up the issue of trust and exactly how far one can trust (safely). When she returns home how does one trust her again after 6, 12, 24 months or however long it is to be in Perth.
So it looks like we as a couple will be absent from this site for a while she sorts herself out. (Perhaps I should change profile to single or at least separated). We have made many friends here and have some fond memories of M&Gs etc. Hope to be able to report that Mrs Fire is back in circulation soon.
My heart goes out to you.
I know I don't know you however your story struck a cord with me having been through something similar about 5 years ago.
I truly hope things work out for you both and I really wish you all the best.
Hi Fire
Yes very brave post... this fun life we lead can easily become dangerous
Does mrsfire know you have posted this?
In the interests of balance.... it would be good to hear mrsfires side of the story????
Keep ya chin up mate
Cheers
D & C xx
survival as a swinging couple requires the one golden rule and no exceptions play together , we have never heard of any issues when the rule is applied but we hear many when it isnt . Trust is one thing human emotions and lust greed or development or change is another .
If you allow each other to play with matches someone eventually gets burnt , we dont see it as limiting or not trusting each other we see it as absolute desite to maintain our relationship with benefits.
Mrs Fire is aware of the post and is welcome to comment, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Many thanks to those expressing support, I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.....
Dear Mr Fire
We are so sorry for your experience but would like to thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Trust - is a two way street. No doubt in future you will be cautious Mr Fire which is understandable.
Ex - there is a reason why someone is an ex. Most people don't go back to their ex but I guess this experience is an exception to the rule.
Life after being betrayed - if Mrs Fire wants you back are you going to welcome her with open arms? Will you ever completely trust her again? The are so many more questions but at the end of the day... You both need to be committed to being in a relationship, both of you will need relationship counselling.
Take care and if you would like to Pm us.
Xx Melb_bi_cple
Oh goodness.
My heart goes out to both of you. Life can be confusing, and exes make it even more complicated - dealing with the "what if?" Instead of the here and now. Take care of yourself and be supported by the comfort of friends.
Xx
Ms_t
Sorry to hear mate, this is the main reason why many are stuck on the fence regarding swinging. Hope you patch things up or recover from the loss...2 weeks in Thailand should fix ya right up lol
Maybe I am getting the wrong.
Even if you had a no swinging lifestyle or have a "play only together" rule, this situation could have come to pass with minor changes.
So I don't think the lifestyle takes any blame. Just the nature of relationships. We do sometimes drift apart or claim that past is past but issues are left unresolved and when they resolve, past can be seen as the future.
my 2 cents.
It is true that if we had had an "only play together" rule this may not have been so likely, but it was not the rules within our relationship that caused the problem! It was partly caused by Mr Fires blind trust and lack of objectivity due to the nature of the swinging relationship. Now this may well have happened anyway, but if Mr Fire had become aware of the nature of Mrs Fires relationship with her boyfriend he may have discussed the matter with her before it got to the stage that it did. The reason he neglected this is the perception that because we shared a swinging lifestyle this issue would never be a problem.
So I guess what I am trying to say is we should keep talking to each other, don't take anything for granted. The same rules apply for swingers as any other couple, meaningful communication is paramount.
So I guess what I am trying to say is we should keep talking to each other, don't take anything for granted. The same rules apply for swingers as any other couple, meaningful communication is paramount. Right on the money.
we truely hope you are doing alright and welcome to call whenever , our comments are really just good advice and supprised singles comment that open is fine , it may well be but the likely hood is problematic and thats our point with honest communication and debriefing couples can thrive and enjoy swinging without it theres something wrong or missing and so many people just need a spring board to leave and pursue another relationship , our advise is dont allow your swinging to be in anyone elses hands but the principal relationship .
hope to see you again soon mr firey
Don't panic guys, I am doing well. It is almost a pleasure to be on my own and enjoying the freedom of not being responsible for anyone but me. The single life has much to offer and I think when in relationships we forget about the freedom of just pleasing ourselves. That said, I have organised a friend with benefits to keep me out of trouble..
Your offers of support mean a great deal to me and many thanks to all for your support and good wishes, and who knows it may work out alright in the end.
Look forward to catching up at M&Gs and renewing old friendships.
'So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?'
― Hunter S. Thompson
Quote by OKandQ survival as a swinging couple requires the one golden rule and no exceptions play together , we have never heard of any issues when the rule is applied but we hear many when it isnt . Trust is one thing human emotions and lust greed or development or change is another . If you allow each other to play with matches someone eventually gets burnt , we dont see it as limiting or not trusting each other we see it as absolute desite to maintain our relationship with benefits.
OKandQ as much as I like to agree with you, a part of me is of the opinion that there are exceptions to the rule. I am a firm believer that communication is the key, whether you have an open relationship or not, swing or not. Mrs Bump and I have on occasion played alon, and the reason why it works for us is that we keep no secrets from each other. We even discuss what we liked or disliked about our experience. I recently came across an Australian survey conducted in a 2011. The survey had stated the five top indicators for relationship breakdowns are financial stress, communication, different expectations or values, lack of trust and lack of commitment. Most people surveyed responded that communication and financial stress were the top reasons for relationship breakdowns. Setting rules and boundaries are great in a swinging lifestyle and some relationships can't survive without them, but sex is not usually the major driving factor in relationship breakdown. It is more often a failure to communicate. Many sites say swinging will not increase the chances of your partner leaving you, in fact by being open and honest with each other about your sexual needs and fantasies, and working your partner to explore all your fantasies, you will decrease the chances of them looking for sexual releases elsewhere. Many couples think that swinging is a cure for martial problems but if you feel there is a high chance of your partner leaving you, it shows that there are already problems in the relationship and swinging is not for you.
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Does mrsfire know you have posted this?
In the interests of balance.... it would be good to hear mrsfires side of the story????
Keep ya chin up mate
Cheers
D & C xx
Your offers of support mean a great deal to me and many thanks to all for your support and good wishes, and who knows it may work out alright in the end.
Look forward to catching up at M&Gs and renewing old friendships.
:wink: