Baabaa's advice line

Sexpert

0 likes 6 Nov 2011

worldly wise baabaa, I work from home and often during the day I am logged into the chat room but away from the PC - its has happend a few times that while I am speaking to a client, a loud "Ping" of a whisper comes in - so how should I react if the customer recognises the sound for what it is. what should I/we do.... 1. both ignore it 2. talk about swingers 3. fuck on cam for the entainment of the peeps Keeping in mind that I am str8t and half of my customers are M, we only play as a couple and been a weak male, I can be easily lead by an attractive F. or should I just turn the sound off when not on the PC because most of the whispers are guys looking for "the mrs" BB dunno

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 6 Nov 2011

Quote by Allan1701
Oh wise and worldly baa!
I think I need help! I spend a lot of time travelling on trains and find that I am constantly perusing the other passengers to see if there is a telltale sign that they may belong to the site. But alas, nothing has presented itself so far. These trips can be long and very boring and I often wonder if there is an equivalent to the mile high club for train travellers. These thoughts often leave me in quite a heightened state (many a time I have woken up with my hands between my thighs and breathing heavy, not ideal when the lights are on) and wondering who I could approach to relieve my frustration.
How do I choose, baa? What should I do? I am on the train again tomorrow and the dilemma is truly testing my inner strength.
Please baa, I await your words of wisdom!
Ms A

Ms A this is a serious condition that can lead you onto the wrong side of the tracks so to speak ;)
I've always wondered about the "tell tale signs of a swinger" .. is it the cheeky side ways glance ... the I'm so prim and proper over compensating look which says "hello I don't swing" .. or is it the innocent looking ones which will surprise you ... well it's probably all the above and much much more ...
Well as for your train trip you probably need to be a bit more adventurous ... try sitting across from people when you are in your skirt wearing no nickers .. or wear a tight top and tweak the nipples before entering the carriage and sit near someone you want to "test" ... one thing about swingers is that although they generally hide in plain site it doesn't take much to shift them out .. their sense of adventure usually can be counted on ;)
One word of warning re the mile high club on trains .. if your trains are anything like my trains I would suggest staying away from the bathrooms .. not even to be used for their intended reasons urghhh
My suggestion is commandeering an empty guards compartment .. now there's a challenge .. wonder if the guard swings ..
I think we should take a ride together and get some test results and patterns going ... would be an interesting study for my thesis ...

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 6 Nov 2011

Quote by bbinder
worldly wise baabaa,
I work from home and often during the day I am logged into the chat room but away from the PC - its has happend a few times that while I am speaking to a client, a loud "Ping" of a whisper comes in - so how should I react if the customer recognises the sound for what it is. what should I/we do....
1. both ignore it
2. talk about swingers
3. fuck on cam for the entainment of the peeps
Keeping in mind that I am str8t and half of my customers are M, we only play as a couple and been a weak male, I can be easily lead by an attractive F.
or
should I just turn the sound off when not on the PC because most of the whispers are guys looking for "the mrs"
BB

BB interesting dillema as I too sit here at home today logged into SH and trying to work on the side lol.
Now if a customer does recognise the sound for what it is then that is probably a good thing .. alawys good to get to meet new firends .. why not just look across and give the wink ;)
I think BB this actually an opportunity not a problem. From a pure science of swinging this could be a controlled test environment. You must immediately start working your way through all options and report back to me immediately. This type of experiment tngles my inner loins with excitement .. It's what I live for .. hell I'll even come around and setup your test data into a spreadsheet for further analysis.
And dont turn off the sound .. poor single males are weak as you have mentioned and mrs is all to appealling .. leave a little pleasure for the weak lol
Contact me for further information ... this is gold smile

Allan1701

Warming the Bed

0 likes 7 Nov 2011

Name the station, baa, I'll be there with the tickets!! Ms A

sarahadmin

Super Admin

0 likes 7 Nov 2011

Why do Australian men like to wee in their gardens so much rather than using the toilet? Not just their gardens visitors gardens too smile

Unknown User

0 likes 7 Nov 2011

Quote by sarahadmin
Why do Australian men like to wee in their gardens so much rather than using the toilet?
Not just their gardens visitors gardens too

Sarah maybe that's just the Aussie Male you met lol

:lol:
Good Luck Baa :lol:

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 7 Nov 2011

Quote by sarahadmin
Why do Australian men like to wee in their gardens so much rather than using the toilet?
Not just their gardens visitors gardens too

Well Sarah .. to Jazz's point maybe it's just the Aussie men you know lol ... but there are a number of reasons for this ....
1. The unabashed male bravado of the Aussie male ... who can pee the furthest .. who can make the a pattern on the pailing fence ... longest pee
2. Its environmentally friendly ... do you know how much water you waste when you flush a toilet
3. Our beer over here is liquid gold .. so it runs through our system and the nutrients are a welcome addition to the soil
4. Related to the above you dont need to put your beer down to do a pee by finding a toilet .. time management skills are evident here
5. Its a social thing ... you can still have a chat to your mates ... right of passage
6. We dont need to wipe with toilet paper .. just a jiggle and tug and your done
7. Convenience is a priority......females may call this laziness but its actually another term for efficiency
8. And you know what we pee in the shower too ;)

Unknown User

0 likes 10 Nov 2011

Would you believe oh wise one, when i like a boy ;) i cant talk to them.. What advice can you give me to be able to get over my tongue tiedness and be able to talk to him smile

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 11 Nov 2011

Quote by Miss_Lindy
Would you believe oh wise one, when i like a boy ;) i cant talk to them.. What advice can you give me to be able to get over my tongue tiedness and be able to talk to him

Well Lindy we all have different sides to our personalities and on some ends we have a problem with biting ;) and on the other side we have a problems with the tongue ;)
I have thought about this dilemma long and hard and even had to sleep on it ... I have therefore pulled out from the archives a five point plan .. well not really a plan but more options or course of action
1. Stage one ... the planned "random" meet ... ensure that you position yourself in situations where you find yourself alone with the said boy .. run into him as he walks out of the office .. dart into the lift as he is about to press the button to close .... end up "coincidentally" behind him in the line up to order lunch .. and remember each time to act cool and a just smile and nod
2. Stage two … after playing the games in stage one .. here is something else that will get you in a position to talk … leave a personal belonging near his desk and hopefully he will ask around to see who it belongs to. Don't just immediately jump up and say 'mine' but eventually claim your lost property .. say thanks and have some small chat and then move on
Stages one and two are the tame options aimed at getting you into relatively harmless positions were talking is inevitable and you can build your confidence each time. The next stages are well … slightly different ….
3. Stage three .. you can skip one and two if you wish .. find his number or personal email address and send a message which looks like it is intended for someone else .. for example if his name is Bob .. send an erotic and saucy note but address it to John .. keep it flirty and also don't over do it .. be patient and wait for the response .. hopefully he responds and tries to find out who this came from. You can also get an insight into his mind and if behind the exterior lurks a naughty mind.
4. Stage four .. now if there is no real response after a few days here is where depending on your commitment to the cause you can step it up a notch .. send a naughty pic of yourself to his email address again intending it to be going to the other person. Now if there is still no interest then we move to the last option
5. Stage five … desparate stakes … get the bastard drunk at a work function pull him aside tell him you want to fuck him .. fuck his brains out .. and if you can't get that tongue untwisted in the morning then I'm sorry Lindy looks like I've failed with my first client
I do have a few questions which may help and some practice exercises ….
Do you have the same problems chatting up girls you are attracted to? Or how about couples? Tongue twisting can also be a physical problem and I suggest a heavy course or oral sex .. but of course that is an additional service which is recommended in rare cases. I can give you a prescription for this if you need it (also comes with repeatss) Good luck and keep me posted

sarahadmin

Super Admin

0 likes 15 Nov 2011

Thanks for clearing that up for me Baa :thumbup: One more question as you know im coming over in Jan..... But what i really find confusing is the whole wording of chips so for example in the uk if i fancy a packet of crisps thats fine but you call them chips (so i though fine ) But what about if i want chips do you call them fries lol I asked in chat where i was informed that you call them both chips?? rolleyes

im not joking this is serious i cannot go a month with out my chips (fries) and cheese. Please help me Baa So could you talk me through the ordering process so i do not end up with some chips when i want crisps and vice versa lol

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 15 Nov 2011

Quote by sarahadmin
Thanks for clearing that up for me Baa :thumbup:
One more question as you know im coming over in Jan.....
But what i really find confusing is the whole wording of chips so for example in the uk if i fancy a packet of crisps thats fine but you call them chips (so i though fine ) But what about if i want chips do you call them fries lol I asked in chat where i was informed that you call them both chips??
im not joking this is serious i cannot go a month with out my chips (fries) and cheese. Please help me Baa
So could you talk me through the ordering process so i do not end up with some chips when i want crisps and vice versa lol

Ok not my area of expertise as I did my major in bodily fluids and missed the lecture on potatoes. But I do have some insights from my experience on the street.
First lets address one thing Chips and cheese are a recipe for disaster. Now maybe chips and mayonnaise goes down a treat but cheese leave that alone ;)
Secondly let's get this straight fries = used in Australia to refer to the US (big yellow m) version of fried potatoes. Also known as the french's contribution to junk food ooh la la.
Now chips do refer to both packet and hot versions. Usually when ordering you say can I have a packet of chips and you will receive your version of crisps. Now if you order and say can I have a bag of chips you will usually get the hot variety. The rule works well at least 50% of the time. For the other 50 flip it smile

Well if you think that's confusing try then going to Melbourne where they call a potato scollop a potato cake. Don't get me started on the variations between states.
Give me a call when you arrive and I'll show you how it's done ..... Again satisfaction guaranteed

sarahadmin

Super Admin

0 likes 16 Nov 2011

Ok what is a potato scollop like a hash brown or something? lol Cheesy chips is the best dinner in the world leave it alone especially with a dollop of curry sauce on the top smile

Unknown User

0 likes 16 Nov 2011

a potato scallop is a slice of potato deep fried in batter - they also call them potato cakes in qld.... no one knew what i was talking about when i moved up here from sth aus lol

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 16 Nov 2011

Quote by Infinite_Sky
a potato scallop is a slice of potato deep fried in batter - they also call them potato cakes in qld.... no one knew what i was talking about when i moved up here from sth aus lol

Thanks Sammi. Always good to hear another expert opinion smile

And wow up to page 4 on this thread. Who would have thought it was possible.
Thank you everyone for your questions.
Keep them cumming ;)

sarahadmin

Super Admin

0 likes 17 Nov 2011

mmmmmm sound yummy. So next question what is the probability of me getting killed by a dropbear? silly

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 17 Nov 2011

Quote by sarahadmin
mmmmmm sound yummy.
So next question what is the probability of me getting killed by a dropbear?

Sarah be afraid .. be very afraid .. get the vegimite behind the ears and forks in your hair to protect yourself ...
Here is a quote from a learned colleague :
Drop bears ( Phascolarctos Raptus) are carnivorous relatives of the Koala bear. They resemble their cousins very closely, and it is believed their ancestors split less than three million years ago. They are somewhat larger than koalas, and a bit less compact. Biggest difference is their teeth - it is believed that the first dropbear was a singular mutant who, because of a genetic atavism, developed teeth more like the ancestral Propleopus, and changed his diet accordingly. The success of this lifestyle cause this single drop bear to reproduce prodigiously, until one entire population of koalas had become another species, which is now incapable of reproducing with herbivorous koalas.
They are actually fairly rare, being hunted by fearful native Australians as well as colonists. Voices are divided as to whether they should be protected or exterminated. Attacks on humans occur very rarely and no fatalities have been reported, mainly because bushmen are wise to them and tourists are kept away from drop bear country.
Drop bears are intentionally presented as urban myth - a sort of double bluff by Australian nationals, who tell tall tales about the critters, deadpan, and snicker at the silly tourists - but finally letting on that "drop bears don't exist".
They are, however, quite real.
Like koalas, they do very little all day long - they hang on to tree branches until suitable prey passes under them. Then, they drop down on it and grab hold with claws that are even more vicious than those of their herbivorous cousins. They usually target the head of their prey and often drop three or four at a time.
The stunning blow of the impact usually does most of the work, and the sharp claws and teeth of the bears can finish even a camel if they are lucky enough to hit close enough to the throat. Australian horse breeders always steer their horses clear of drop bear country.

sarahadmin

Super Admin

0 likes 21 Nov 2011

Ok and if i was to go swimming in a creek, what are the chances of a snake slithering up my shorts? are there other creatures i need to watch out for while swimming in a creek? smile

Dynamiteduo

Sexlightened

0 likes 21 Nov 2011

Oh wise Baa..... Quick question... I have started to run on a treadmill (being me, you never know when I need to do a runner) But I also want to chat on SH while doing my work out... is there a SH compatible treadmill out there for me? Signed... Male half of Dynamiteduo

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 21 Nov 2011

Quote by sarahadmin
Ok and if i was to go swimming in a creek, what are the chances of a snake slithering up my shorts? are there other creatures i need to watch out for while swimming in a creek?

Sarah you poor thing you seem to have a phobia for all the lovely creatures in Australia.
First it was the drop bear now it is snakes in creeks.
Wait til you find out about our deadliest spiders ( funnel web) and sea creatures (box jelly fish).
As for your snake issue you may also have to worry about the Aussie trouser snake. I'm sure that they would sneak up your shorts. Question is why are you swimming with clothes on in the first place.
Don't worry I'll look after you. I'll take you to the local beach and we can eat potato scollops with cheese if you wish.

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 21 Nov 2011

Quote by Dynamiteduo
Oh wise Baa.....
Quick question...
I have started to run on a treadmill (being me, you never know when I need to do a runner) But I also want to chat on SH while doing my work out... is there a SH compatible treadmill out there for me?
Signed... Male half of Dynamiteduo

Mr Dynamite .. now what would a gentleman like you have to run for ;) notwithstanding your need for speed I'm sorry but such a device has yet to be invented well at least to a saitisfactory level .. I have myself experimented with a docking device for my ipad and the vibration from my heavy pounding on the treadmill has caused no end of trouble ...
I have then reverted to using my iphone whilst on the bike .. but my sweat and the touch screen do not quite gel ...
I do have a work around suggestion which works both your fitness and your SH desires ...
position miss dynamite in front of the treadmill (sans clothes) and let her guide your pacing .. each extra km getting a reward .. she can also hold the laptop or portable device in a way that you can communicate on chat .. hey even toss in a cam and we can all watch you sweat it out ....
Now I may be in trouble from miss dynamite for suggesting such a solution without her approval .. so let me introduce her to my complimentary massage service for those who assist in my solutions smile

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 22 Nov 2011

Quote by deuxplaisircpl
Hi Baabaa, you wonderhunk...
If it was scientifically possible to drive a car at the speed of light and the headlights are turned on, will they work at all? How do we reconcile the concept of light particles called photons having mass and no mass at the same time? Isn't Einstein's special theory of relativity occasionally wrong in the context of photonic sub-atomic particles? And finally, how does light speed relativity increase our chances of a major fuckfest some weekend soon?
Love from Deux

Elementary my dear watson ... lol
The answer is purely relative .. if you are actually in the car as it is travelling at that speed and then you turn on the lights from your "relative" perspective they would be on and you would see them .. assuming your bulbs worked and you had a battery that was functioning and no blown fuse lol
Everything indeed works from a point of reference ... for example if you run down the aisle of plane travelling at 800km per hour and you are travelling say 3km an hour it does not mean that you are indeed effectively travelling at 803km per hour .. from your perspective you are still only travelling at 3km per hour ...from the outside looking in this would be different and so would the appearance of the light from the car .. in reality the car and the light would appear most likely as one squashed object (from an observers point of view).
Now for the final question .. the fuckfest is a function of the square root of the inverse relationship between the male and female chromosone .. multiplied by the factor of pi ... for your specific probability calculation it equates to % give or take a decimal place ....
PS .. this is further support that nerds rule ....
PSS .. for those so technically inclined ....
The modern concept of the photon was developed gradually by Albert Einstein to explain experimental observations that did not fit the classical wave model of light. In particular, the photon model accounted for the frequency dependence of light's energy, and explained the ability of matter and radiation to be in thermal equilibrium. It also accounted for anomalous observations, including the properties of black body radiation, that other physicists, most notably Max Planck, had sought to explain using semiclassical models, in which light is still described by Maxwell's equations, but the material objects that emit and absorb light are quantized. Although these semiclassical models contributed to the development of quantum mechanics, further experiments validated Einstein's hypothesis that light itself is quantized; the quanta of light are photons.

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Nov 2011

Baa, in desperate need of help. Im in love with a Mod. Should i suppress my feelings or just deal with it and fuck her best friend? Should I be ashamed or just shoot myself everywhere? smile

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 23 Nov 2011

Quote by penrithdude
Baa, in desperate need of help. Im in love with a Mod. Should i suppress my feelings or just deal with it and fuck her best friend? Should I be ashamed or just shoot myself everywhere?

I know your dillema all too well .. on my own personal fuckit list I have a wish to fuck a mod .. well for all intesive purposes that is probably only going to happen if I become one myself .. as stars and authority dont sit well on my shoulders ;)
But back to your problem .. given that I could guess which mods they may be I would try to get them both .. but I feel that you will have to suppress your urges as I get the feeling that this is a bridge too far.
You should not be ashamed with your urges but go ahead and spread yourself elsewhere .. I believe that there is a formula for nabbing a mod ..
The first step is ........
The second .....
The third ....
And the final step .....
ahhh pleasure
PS. If you thought I'd share that .. lol you are crazy .. its every guy for himslef on here :)

Unknown User

0 likes 23 Nov 2011

Hey Baa I heard somewhere that Roman Gladiators all had the heads of their penises peirced... is this true? if it is true why??

Unknown User

0 likes 23 Nov 2011

Who are the shakers?

Unknown User

0 likes 23 Nov 2011

Baa, I have a fetish... and when I tell some people about this fetish they start thinking I'm kinda not all there in the head. How do I find people who will share in my fetish with me without fear of ridicule?

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 23 Nov 2011

Quote by Infinite_Sky
Hey Baa
I heard somewhere that Roman Gladiators all had the heads of their penises peirced... is this true? if it is true why??

Well Sammi a few trains of thought here. The first being that gladiators were indeed slaves and part of this involved having their penises pierced. Having a large bar attached to the ring would be seen as a way for their masters to exert control and stop unwanted sexual behaviour.
The second is someway linked to the first in that the piercing was used to tie back the penis so that it could be well out of harms way during battle.
Either way I'm sure Russell didn't include this piece of information in his Oscar winning role ;)

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 23 Nov 2011

Quote by Infinite_Sky
Who are the shakers?

Shakers are a religious sect based on the teachings of Ann Lee. They worship via ecstatic movement or "shaking". They are also known for their support for gender equality.
The other shakers are followers Of 80s Welsh pop star Shakin Stevens. Their theme song being This ole house.
By the way I'm forming my own cult soon. Stay tuned.

baabaa5

Master of Sex

0 likes 24 Nov 2011

Quote by Infinite_Sky
Baa, I have a fetish... and when I tell some people about this fetish they start thinking I'm kinda not all there in the head. How do I find people who will share in my fetish with me without fear of ridicule?

Oh so the innocence lost smile

Seriously though .. who do you tell? how do you tell? how much do you tell? what do you absolutely not tell? ... and the reactions ... from utter disgust, humor, horror .. and even the relief that they find out that they are not alone ;)
It's all about degrees and comfort at the end of the day .. I suggest that the first step is actually testing out the response to your fetish .. find someone who you believe is relatively open minded and liberal .. and discuss the topic of fetishes in general .. bring up your fetish as an example and gauge the reaction .. at least at this point you can have some sort of benchmark reaction .. if your open minded friend sees this as relatively acceptable then you will probably find that your fetish would be generally more common and not generate the disgust or horror response ... now if your friend reels in horror then you at least also know that your fetish is towards the more twisted end of the scale ...
In saying this it is in no way a reflection of right or wrong .. it just provides a litmus test from which you can then base your future approach to other people .. if you approach someone less liberal than your test case then you should probably steer away from revealing your kinks if the benchmark reaction was one of disgust .. the contra also holds ...
Also be open and honest about your fetish and try not to be tempted into backing away and be embarrassed if the reaction you get is not what you wanted .. if you do back away it does accentuate the notion that what you are doing is indeed weird or repulsive ....
And also be prepared for the positive reactions too ... who knows you may be confronted with the person being willing to share their fetishes with you ... and be sure to be as open to them as you wish they are to you ...
If you are looking for that benchmark .. I'm sure this site has its fair share of open minded individuals .. and as always I'm always here to help ...

Jamicp

Warming the Bed

0 likes 27 Nov 2011

Baabaa5 with all these other thread talking about people that don't reply. Can you tell us all what is the best way to say 'No, I/we are not interested'?