Hi guys
I am new to this site - I have placed the below on my profile , and invite comment from you all . If you feel that I shouldnt be on swingersheaven , let me know - but let me know why .
Thanks
"Yes , I am a happily married guy , on a swingers site , whose wife doesn't know , and is not interested , in the lifestyle........
Please , read on......
Many of us on here refer to the need for discretion - to me this means that recreational /alternative sex and other activity is to be kept separate to our every day lives - and honestly , I don't believe this is a dating site......:-)
You have chosen to take a look at my profile , something must have sparked an interest - I appreciate that many members have strict policies regarding guys with my marital staus - but if you can get past this , I would love to hear from you."
Good luck slowhand.
Stick to your beliefs. You're probably going to get lots of negative comments from the "thought police", but don't take any notice - you have every right to be here and to follow your beliefs. You don't have to fit in with others who disagree with your choices.
I hope you get plenty of positive responses and heaps of "contacts".
Will
slow, yes your correct with your thoughts. lots on here wont play with people cheating on there partener due to what happens when she/he finds out, broken marrage, family thinking the worst about you, not seeing your kids. but there are a few that prefer married men due to them having to be descrete. just remember you are in a big group being a single male (no female playing with you) that lowers your chance. then your married and playing without the wifes knowledge, puts you further out for lots on here including some single women.
one thing you do having going for you is the fact your open and honest about your cheating in your profile, not bullshitting about being single.
like willie says you will get negative responses but thats just open discussion which you asked for . the ones who do support you will be in the same boat as you. also you dont have to fit in with others who disagree with your choices but unlike some on here make sure you read profiles and dont contact people who dont want single men.
Same here mate.
I'm open about it to the people here and who I meet.
I don't have high expectations and respect people who don't want to play with me; that's fine.
For me though, I'm just happy to meet people, hang out nude, small play.. I don't mind as long as everyone is comfortable.
Be yourself, be honest, and respect others; can't go wrong
Quote by Slowhand If you feel that I shouldnt be on swingersheaven , let me know - but let me know why .
If your wife told you she wanted to have sex with another man, would you be excited about it? If so... welcome aboard. Since you did ask for comment, we might point out the apparent conflict between these two statements from your profile... "I am a married guy , on a swingers site , whose wife doesn't know" "I have the utmost respect and consideration for those around me" We say "apparent" conflict because we don't know your circumstances. We would be intrigued to hear why you think it's ok to cheat on your wife. Bear in mind we're just trying to have a discussion here; to listen to an opinion different to our own. Hopefully this doesn't lead to a barrage of childish insults and complete failure to address the question, as has been the case with some people in the past.
Everyone has a right to be here and I do understand that adult or sexual sites do seem more attractive to those who are looking for that lost part in their own relationship. Just be aware that men far outnumber couples and women here so your chances are pretty slim in finding a sexual encounter.
Many swingers think that swinging should be a couples only affair and an attached person playing without their partner's consent is a big no no so you are likely to receive the cold shoulder from many couples.
My advice would be to read profiles carefully and only contact those that are looking for what you have to offer. Being active in the chat rooms is good fun too and going to meet & greets is a good way to meet others as well.
Enjoy
Thanks to all for your replies...........great to see some well considered points of view......
Tempted , both she and I have - and occasionally still do.........have had "sportsex" outside the home - but home is where sex AND love happen............we don't put these dalliances in each other's face........not orthodox , but it works for us .
Like i said , she isn't interested in the lifestyle as such , if that makes sense.....
Cheating is such a strong word...............
But glad for your response........
Cheating is such a strong word............... ........
well to put it in nut shell thats what it is. cant sugar coat it. Excactly cheating is cheatng no matter how anyone looks at it , you say you have respect for others around you , this must apply to every one except the one your supposed to love "your wife" so it makes it hard for others to think you would respect them As this is a site with no restrictions on status or anything else for that matter every one has some sort of right to be here in one way or another but being married and cheating you will find it very hard to meet anyone Just would not want to be in your shoes if she finds out some how , its a big risk and you need to stop and think what you have to lose if she infact finds out How good with computers is your wife ? if your on a computer you both share its not hard for her to find out that you have been on here , she may already know Cheers Melbcpl01
as long as it works for both of you and isn't going to blow up in your face, and as long as you stay open, you may still find it hard to get partners, but at least you are being honest with everyone
[quote="Haidee"]as long as it works for both of you and isn't going to blow up in your face, and as long as you stay open, you may still find it hard to get partners, but at least you are being honest with everyone[/quote
Honest with everyone but his wife, and thats the point ain't it, if you can't be honest with the person you love, then why would anybody expect you to be honest with them?
Quote by Slowhand we don't put these dalliances in each other's face........not orthodox , but it works for us .
Interesting. That's quite an alien concept for us. Like many swingers, we're about enjoying the experience together. It's as much (or more!) about seeing our partner pleasured and happy as it is about our own pleasure. Sure, we can understand how others might play separately (a bit like we have separate hobbies that we don't have to do together), but we imagine couples would still generally talk about and share some of the excitement of the experience (just as a couple would share details of a sporting win or other hobby achievement). In your situation, is your wife happy for you that you're getting sex elsewhere (or trying to)? If so, why don't you tell her about it? Or if she's not happy about it, wouldn't you consider that cheating? Or does she have some sort of begrudging acceptance - she knows you cheat but she's willing to turn a blind eye to it as long as you're discrete?
Slowhand. Do whatever you want to do.
It's YOU, not others, who will have to deal with any fallout.
Some people on this site may like the concept of playing with a married man in your circumstance.
Good luck with it, and keep the faith.
Sorry, just like to add .....from PERSONAL experience here..... the fallout can extend to the people who were involved. No one wants to be caught in the middle of a marriage dispute.
This is not to say don't do what you want to do. No doubt you have carefully considered all the consequences, so I wont harp on that either. At the end of the day it is your choice.
Single guys out number the married guys, single girls and couples so I guess you really need to make a good impression on those who you seek. Chatting in chat rooms is always a good place to start. Another is attend Meet and Greets; nothing like making a good impression face to face. Having a thick skin also helps, if you don't have one then you are going to get upset or discouraged very quickly.
Accept that people have different views, thoughts and opinions, negative or otherwise and attacking/threatening people may only get you in the poo with mods/admin. Besides you may actually meet the person you attacked/threatened at a Meet and Greet and they may repay in kind. We organised a Meet and Greet several months back and we didn't discriminate, in fact, it is a SH statement for those hosting a Meet and Greet that 'anyone' can attend.
If you are looking for couples, carefully read their profiles prior to making contact, failure to do so just pisses them off. So respect their space and if a couple wants to contact you they will.
Some single girls think married guys make potential husband material. This is Mrs Bay's opinion not Mr Bays. I just think Sicilians make good husbands
All the best in your search.
The Bays
Quote by williek Slowhand. Do whatever you want to do. It's YOU, not others, who will have to deal with any fallout. Some people on this site may like the concept of playing with a married man in your circumstance. Good luck with it, and keep the faith.
Sorry I disagree with you yet again .... Personally I wouldn't want some irate wife turning up on my doorstep.... BUT so long as the people involved have the full information then they can make that choice and then they also know the risk .... Good luck slowhand .... I hope this site and the people you meet are able to help you in your desires.
True Jazz and Twonewbies - YOU don't want to be part of a deal like 's your choice.
Others, however, may find it stimulating to play with Slowhand. That's THEIR choice.
I'm not sure a cheater's wife finds it so "stimulating" to discover her man cheating on her. And she [u:9a0450b113]doesn't[/u:9a0450b113] get a choice.
I couldn't give you stats for it Bay, but I have seen enough posts on here from members saying they prefer married men, definitely not a majority, but there's still plenty of them.
Hi Slowhand,
Some good positive and negative comments there but I'd like to bring up something I have been noticing.
Most assume that just because a "couple" are on here, that it is all legit and no one is cheating.
Some married swinging couples cheat also, not just married men who don't inform their wives.
Cheating isn't limited to married men who sneak on here.
Atleast with your profile you state your status and intentions.
I mainly seek couples so of course chat with quite a few, within those, a small portion of the 'male' half has approached me to meet 'without' the wife/females knowledge or consent.
That is cheating!!
What is worse is when they (he) 'pretend' I will be meeting them as a couple then I find out the wife/female has no idea.
That is not only cheating on the wife/female but sneaky, underhanded and disrespectful to me.
Some mentioned how this could blow up in your face, well, the same applies to the 'swinging couples' where one half is trying to sneak around behind the others back.
That isn't swinging it is just cheating.
Actually, that is 'sugar coating cheating' (as mention by another poster)
Using the guise of 'swinging' to fool around behind a partners back, is sugar coating cheating.
Atleast you are honest in your profile and people can make an informed choice on whether to meet you or not.
each to their own we are in it for the fun ourselves which is what it is all about in the end however it is commendable that you are honest saying your wife doesn't know at least you aren't going around saying you have a partner which you cannot produce.
in the end it is up to you weather you tell your wife or not even though most of the ppl would disagree with you for doing it.
namipeter you are so right we are all here for fun. Personally I couldn't give a rats arse what people do in their private life, just as long as it doesn't affect ours. I don't speak for everyone, but some people think us married folk have some sort of personal vendetta against cheaters. I like to think its more to do with the fact that we often identify with the spouse of the cheater, some from personal experience and others have seen the fallout. I'm not here to judge and why would I, besides the fact swinging isn't really acceptable in society and everything we do is hush hush. Some in society would call swinging, cheating.
Firstly, my hat goes off to slowhand for being up front about his relationship and secondly for taking it on the chin from the comments on this forum. As long as you are upfront with people, it gives them the choice and for me that is the main take away from all of this. Best of luck in your search slowhand.
The Bays
I'm in the same boat. Have played for 9 years now without my wife knowing.
Moral probably not. But it's my choice and well as long I am honest with my situation I don't see a issue no different to the ladies doing that same thing on here. I have met some amazing people and played with them mostly couples who want the NSA cause they are married and want discretion.
The single ladies I have met are awesome also
"as long I am honest with my situation"
that is exactly right ... married or not .. cheating or not ... honesty is the key ...that way all involved are making a choice based on the correct information ... male or female .. doesn't matter ...
Quote by jazz_10 honesty is the key ...that way all involved are making a choice based on the correct information
Except... isn't it dishonest towards the wife? We believe she is also "involved", even if it's indirectly, and she's not making a choice based on correct information. If she had the correct information her choice might be to leave her partner. We find it interesting that cheaters who proudly announce their "honesty" can be so "honest" to everyone but their wife - the person who is more deserving of honesty than anyone else.
Quote by TemptedTwo honesty is the key ...that way all involved are making a choice based on the correct information
Except... isn't it dishonest towards the wife? We believe she is also "involved", even if it's indirectly, and she's not making a choice based on correct information. If she had the correct information her choice might be to leave her partner. We find it interesting that cheaters who proudly announce their "honesty" can be so "honest" to everyone but their wife - the person who is more deserving of honesty than anyone else. Agree with TT how can they say they are honest when they are not being honest with thier own partner Honesty and cheating are 2 words that should never be mixed as there is no such thing So no matter how its put they are not honest with every one and even if they do say thier married you know they are willing to lie to thier partner what lies are they prepared to tell you aswell to get into your pants Cheaters deserve every thing they get karma can be a real bitch and bite back real hard
Quote by baycouple6970 I am very curious.... how well do married guys actually do on here finding willing participants?
Baycouple I have had the previlege to play with some couples from here and elsewhere. Although there is a narrow market for married guys, the feedback I can share from these couples is they appreciate the extra discretion we can bring. And they have minimal fear of a married guy running off with their female partner. It's a case of once bitten twice shy for me ;) Talking of marriage of course. Slowhand I hear ya and all I can say is don't allow the pressure of stereotyping compromise your thoughts or feelings. Most people here have a lifestyle and understanding in their relatiosnhip that I crave to have at home. However this strike of good fortune to them doesn't happen to everyone. I guess many married guys still love their wives but one must spare a thought when sex is no longer on the menu. How much or how long then can love alone carry honesty in a relationship. People these events do happen and feel blessed you're not experiencing them.
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All the best in your search.
The Bays
