Soooo here's the scenario... and this all happened before I met my now husband.
About 9 years ago I was on a forum chatting online with a guy. Let's call him Mikey. We were both living in Sydney. Everything was going well. A little flirting going on, but nothing major. At the time, I had also broken up with my on/ off again long term bf.. lol
So one day, Mikey and I decide to meet up at a bar one night, We meet up, but nothing happens, He was a really nice guy, good looking and he made me laugh (he was an amateur comedian) He drove me home that night and that was that. He didn't even try for a kiss.
A few weeks later (I am still broken up at this point with my on/ off bf) Mikey and I decide to meet up again in the city (which is where I used to work) We caught up briefly during my lunch break. Nothing happened, just a decent conversation.
Anyway, time passes, we are still chatting online and things are really flirty (online)
Then out of nowhere, it's revealed that he now has a gf. I'm like, alright, that's cool.
After that, we stopped chatting as much, and I just moved on and eventually broke up with my on/ off bf and started seeing my now husband.
Fast forward a few years on and hubby and I are living and working overseas. During this time, Mikey sends me a friend request on fb. I was surprised but excited to chat to him again.
He tells me he is doing well, etc, etc and I am genuinely happy for him.
Every so often he would see me online and would start chatting with me. The chats get really sexual and flirty. He starts to tell me that his gf doesn't want to have sex and that they both have gone through periods of no sex ( i have no idea why) I think for them it was some control thing. Anyway, whatever. I flirted back and one day he tells me this is way too intense ( the flirting with e online) and all of a sudden, he starts telling me how bad this is and he can't do this to his gf and before I could say anything else, he deletes me off fb!
Now, to be honest, I was cut. Here is this guy, that I never got the chance to have a relationship with, let alone, fuck, yet he contacts me on fb and then deletes me? Like seriously- WTF.
Anyway, I got over it, my life is great and everything. Years pass... no joke, like 3 years have now gone by. Hubby and I returned back to Sydney and got married..... and about 3 weeks ago, I got a message on my fb from MIKEY!!!
He says hello and makes a comment about me being a married lady now.
I'm all casual with him at first, then I asked him to explain to me, why after 3 years and deleting me off fb, he is contacting me?
He proceeds to tell me that he is back in Sydney for a limited time and that he and his gf have decided to see other people. So that got him thinking and checking out our conversation history on fb, which he had saved in his archives folder. He thought it would be fun to look me up and see where it went.
So I was all for it lol. Except I explained to Mikey, that I don't play alone. My hubby has to be present. Mikey could fuck me and do what he wanted, but my hubby would have to be in the room, either watching, filming or getting off on us.
But that was too much for Mikey. He was quick to say, no, that that situation made him feel really uncomfortable and that this was now a 'bad idea' I thought what a joke. I said ok fine, How about we just have coffee and see where it goes from there. Again, it was too much for him. So I suggested coffee in the day time, so that nothing sexual could possibly happen. His reply to me was " I'm only here for a few more weeks and I get busy because things come up. So I'll let you know"
My hubby has been aware of this whole thing the whole time, as I keep him in the loop.
I've never been rejected so hard in my life lol. At this point we are still friends on fb. About 2 weeks have passed now, that I have not heard from Mikey or even a fb message from him. So yesterday I thought, fuck this. I can't be wasting time on fucks like him. So I deleted him and his chat off my fb.
So I just want to know, from a strangers point of view- why would he have rejected me 3 times?
Guys: why make contact, when your not going to follow through, when it was his idea all along.?
I even suggested one on one meeting in the day time for a lunch coffee in a public place....AS FRIENDS ONLY!
I'm just really disappointed and think that perhaps I came on to strong, but I'm really a soft little kitten. I really wanted to be woo'd by a stranger (Mikey) in a bar, or be with him while hubby watched (or even joined in), or even just give him a hot and fast BJ in a car!
Men are strange! Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
girls do the same thing.
from my observations, on what has been done to me, its the male in you situation is semiconscious, and insecure.
things like, is this right, is this cheating, am i over her, do i still love her(GF), do i love her (YOU), what does she think of me (YOU), what will she think of me (YOU), how far will this go, will she change, will she get clingy, etc, etc, etc
Very interesting and it seems like he enjoyed the chase more than anything.
Attraction and an unlikely meeting sometimes is enough to keep things ticking away for a period of time .. especially when it gets close but yet unfulfilled. The what if and maybe is quite an aphrodisiac for many.
Social media allows people to connect in ways which people can hide behind their true intentions. It can hide insecurities and it can also provide a medium for the weak to hide behind their insecurities. Clearly he was never going to act on anything even if the attraction was real. However he was able for his own benefit (when it suited him) to bring back memories that he found appealing regardless of the impact to you.
It is selfish behavior and one which is driven by his needs alone. You did the right thing by deleting him.
I am however willing to bet that he will come back ... out of the blue in the distant future ....
PS ... if you ever need that wooing I am happy to oblige despite my obvious strangeness ;)
Unfortunately some people enjoy the chase and get cold feet when it comes time to actually go ahead with meeting someone. Maybe he was uncomfortable with having your husband present. You did the right thing in deleting him and if I may make a suggestion, if he tries to contact you again, just ignore him.
Something similar happened to me when I first joined this site. I hadn't paid up at the time and I was contacted by a couple who wanted to chat and suggested that I pay my membership so I could chat with them. The husband said that they were fed up with trying to meet other couples and were only interested in meeting single males as his wife wanted some mmf action. They even sent me a friend request.
We exchanged a few messages and I suggested that we meet for coffee first to make sure that we were able to get on and did want to take things further. They had been on the site a few times after I sent my message and they hadn't bothered to reply. I got the impression that they were only playing me and never intended to meet. I deleted them as friends and blocked them from contacting me and I have no regrets about doing so.
A very similar thing happened to me. I met a guy on a media site and we got along well. Soon things got flirty and I told him about our lifestyle. He was intreagued, curious, wanted to know everything. I opened up to him. Clyde and I made plans with him to meet, he said he wanted to be as kinky as us. Then one day I got a message saying "I've had a change of heart, sorry for wasting your time".
I felt hurt, embarrassed, even a little used. But then I thought... Fuck him. Blocked him... It's his loss. Jetset.. It really is his loss.
Unfortunately too many guys are just keyboard warriors. While they will talk, the talk, they are unwilling or unable to to follow it up with actually doing anything. Gives the rest of us guys who are genuinely looking for a lady to play with a bad name in my opinion.
100% correct marineboy. Unfortunately sites like this are full of idiots who spoil it for everyone else.
As a couple seeking out 'single' guys this happens to us, usually if they say they are single you would expect them to have a life yes, however when the offer of sex with a lovely lady comes up we end up with those same excuses and reasons plus more as to why they are unable to show. As someone has previously said alot of guys (girls and couples) are all talk then when it comes to the actual act of meeting even if it is just for a coffee bail. Why well that is a question that will remain forever unanswered. Hope you guys are having luck in you quest to find friends as it is fantastic when you can find someone that is not only genuine but can hold a conversation with and actually hang out with rather than just 'hey I'm horny wanna fuck', then leave till next time they are horny. Friendship is what makes this so much nicer we think.
No luck so far unfortunately, which brings me to ask a question of the more experienced members. As a single guy meeting a couple for sex, are their unwritten rules for example on who supplies the condoms, lube etc? Also if either party can't host and you have to book a motel, is the cost split 50/50?
They may seem petty or unnecessary questions, but they may put enough doubt in someone's mind to give them cold feet. And there could be the problem of a jealous partner if his wife is enjoying sex with someone else more than he enjoys it with him. Just a thought.
I have a couple of old "buddies" like this from when I was single.... hubby doesn't mind me talking to them then on a trip back to NZ he even gave me permission to meet with one of them for a one on one.... NZ buddy met me the first night for a walk on the beach, he was all very flirty and touchie and then the next day when I told him my husband had given me permission to follow through he was way to busy and cancelled our next 2 meet ups while I was in town....
I put it down to the excitement of the chase being a lot more fun than something being handed to you with no strings.
This has happened to me too.
I am not the one who wastes my time or others. If I chat with someone and plan a meet up, I ensure that I keep up my word.
There was this weird instance where I was chatting with a couple and there was definitely some interest. We had chatted for sometime and shared pics. We were getting closer to a meet up date when I received this uncanny message from the couple. It said, sorry wife is looking for someone younger!
If you read my profile, I have tried to be as explicit as possible, giving attention to the smallest details. I am sure the couple would have read and re- read my profile several times. How is that they missed something as vital as my age?
But the secret to not get bogged down by these experiences is to just forget it, push it to the backseat and lead on with your life. There are many more exciting times ahead and it is in our hands to explore.
One final word- Please don't say - Men are strange! You could instead say - Humans are strange! And complex too!!
