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Not exactly a joke, but something funny that people here might be able to relate to. wink
Sexlightened
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Hi TemptedTwo, sorry not being judgemental, just my opinion here, but that wasn't funny. blink rotflmao The Bays
Orgasminator
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I thought it wasn't very funny, but it was cute. I especially like the guy tripping and doing the 'save yourself' and everyone leaving him there. Here's another one for you: engineer dies and goes to Hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satelite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels, although they still cannot watch Breaking Bad on AMC. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil sayd, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Sexlightened
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Haidee, love that one, although the Engineers I work with wouldn't know one end of the screwdriver to other. Yes I did like that part 'save yourself', can see Mrs Bay sacrificing herself lol Oh my comment directed TemptedTwo was just a little private joke, I am sure he will get my meaning behind my comment.
Warming the Bed
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Two women are walking home drunk from a night out when they both realise they need to relieve themselves. As they are passing a cemetery they duck in to squat between some 1st woman realises she has no tissues or paper so uses her underwear to clean 2nd woman grabs a ribbon off a finished they continue on their way home. the next day their husbands are hanging says to the other "I don't think we should let the girls out on their own wife came home last night with no underwear". "Thats nothing" said the other. "I found a card shoved up my wifes arse that said 'we will never forget all the guys at the firestation' ".
Orgasminator
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tempted, we watched euro trip the other day, good movie and its so true that clip loving all the jokes
Casanova
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A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!" I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....... * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. *she studied for a blood test. *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. *when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. *when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off. So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a boner, so that was the end of him. Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him. This went on until she cameto the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner. By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it would be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better," replied the Marine. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How did you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."