Hi all
My dilemma is this. Happily married 30 year old male. Loving wife and home. However our sex life is virtually non existent. Whenever I broach the subject it ends in an argument. I don't think once a month is an adequate amount of sex. I have tried to spice things up by being romantic, commenting on how beautiful she looks and even visited the adult shop to get her going.
My efforts appear to be fruitless. I pride myself on being an attentive lover. I love going down on her. It turns me on more than recieving actually. I also love long wild sessions and being spontaneous and naughty, however she wants to be sterile and regimented.
Before we met I was on another adult site and I met some amazing people and really explored my inner fantasys. However since I have been married I am feeling trapped and bound by a sexless relationship. It has got to the stage now where I want to meet people in similar situations who understand. Looking for answers.
Any feedback would be appreciate.
Cheers
Quote by Funkychicken Hi all My dilemma is this. Happily married 30 year old male. Loving wife and home. However our sex life is virtually non existent. Whenever I broach the subject it ends in an argument. I don't think once a month is an adequate amount of sex. I have tried to spice things up by being romantic, commenting on how beautiful she looks and even visited the adult shop to get her going. My efforts appear to be fruitless. I pride myself on being an attentive lover. I love going down on her. It turns me on more than recieving actually. I also love long wild sessions and being spontaneous and naughty, however she wants to be sterile and regimented. Before we met I was on another adult site and I met some amazing people and really explored my inner fantasys. However since I have been married I am feeling trapped and bound by a sexless relationship. It has got to the stage now where I want to meet people in similar situations who understand. Looking for answers. Any feedback would be appreciate. Cheers
hell no you dont have an affair you find out what if any underlying issues ur wife has and then sit down and talk about everything before you do anything else everyone deserves a partner they can trust
Classic pursuer and distancer scenario.
Google it and bone up on the psychology of it all.
Or you could see if the variety and excitement of another man might reignite her libido. Become swingers instead of cheaters.
this is so not on and so not what swinging is , an "affair" usually involves cheating and deception , swinging is open honest and shared many use this site as a springboard to leaving there husband / wives and again that isnt swinging nor is testing the waters as you plan to leave.
at some point in time you need to face up and do the right things so you have dignity and sincerity in your dealings with others on this site and yourself .
Even though people have opinions regarding whether your wife is missing something also, i can totally sympathise with your dilemna...when you exhaust all avenues and know that you're the only one in the relationship that puts a huge emphesis on a healthy sex life it would be so easy to just go out and get that gratification elsewhere...you clearly love your wife but might have to be brutally honest as to how the situation is driving you to even ask the question on this site....No easy answer mate but good luck on which ever way you go.
Quote by Funkychicken Hi all My dilemma is this. Happily married 30 year old male. Loving wife and home. However our sex life is virtually non existent. Whenever I broach the subject it ends in an argument. I don't think once a month is an adequate amount of sex. I have tried to spice things up by being romantic, commenting on how beautiful she looks and even visited the adult shop to get her going. My efforts appear to be fruitless. I pride myself on being an attentive lover. I love going down on her. It turns me on more than recieving actually. I also love long wild sessions and being spontaneous and naughty, however she wants to be sterile and regimented. Before we met I was on another adult site and I met some amazing people and really explored my inner fantasys. However since I have been married I am feeling trapped and bound by a sexless relationship. It has got to the stage now where I want to meet people in similar situations who understand. Looking for answers. Any feedback would be appreciate. Cheers
Hmmm....you state you're happily married yet feel trapped? Not a good situation it seems sadly.
Quote by fastnet you might have to be brutally honest as to how the situation is driving you to even ask the question on this site....
That might work, but often it will make her feel even more pressured to have sex, and in turn even less likely to want it, and more shitty at you because now she's worried you are cheating. At least that's one possible (and common) outcome. There is no easy answer. Counselling with a sex therapist is one option. They can help if things aren't too far gone already, but often by the time a couple see a therapist things are already past the point of no return. Others might tell you to try to take away the pressures of life that are draining her libido. That's much easier said than done. A complete change of environment can help. Take her away for a week holiday - just you and her. If you have kids, leave them with their grandparents or aunt/uncle. Put her in an an environment where she doesn't have to cook or clean or chase the kids; where she has little more to do than relax, enjoy some fun activities during the day, a pleasant dinner, and then a quiet night with you - for several days running. Maybe towards the end of the trip if she's relaxed and more connected with you, then you could broach the topic for deeper discussion. But make sure you don't speak of things in an accusational or blaming way. ie. No comments like "Because you don't do this..." or "When you don't have sex with me for so long...". Instead speak of how you feel and ask about how she feels. eg. "Sometimes I miss your touch so badly. The distance between us pains me when we're not close. Do you feel the same?", or "I'm worried that we're in a bit of a rut, stuck in the daily grind. How are you feeling about things?". Another approach is to reminisce about happier times. Not "Hey, remember when we used to do it 5 times a week?", but pick out particular events or activities (not necessarily sexual) that you know she really enjoyed or held some special meaning to her. Talk about those and try to get her feeling all mushy as she remembers them. Use that to rebuild the connection between you. And finally, extending my earlier post a little, reminisce about when you started dating. The excitement of those first dates, the first time you made love, etc. Lament the loss of the thrill that dating brings, and if she's of a similar mind then suggest you play a game where you go out to a bar and see if she can get hit on. Not to actually pick up, but just to have her feeling sexy again because some new guy is interested in her. Doing that, or even thinking about it, can spark her libido and maybe, just maybe, lure the two of you into the swinging scene. If nothing works and you absolutely must get sex elsewhere - go see a prostitute. At least then when you get caught you don't have the wife tearing herself apart thinking that you're in love with another woman (and you don't run the risk of falling in love with someone else).
Maybe she has found your profile seen as its been on here for some time and cut your supply off at home , how long has this been a problem with her , maybe timming of her with no intrest has occured at a time after your profile was posted to the site
Just a thought
sit down without kids,phones or life annoying you, talk to her quietly and positively.
either that or get her drunk and talk
affairs destroy relationships and they are not the right thing to do. trust me most people et caught out
maybe she is thinking the same thing, that she doesnt turn you on or shes needs something to spark her up
if shes 40s this could be happening, do you bring home flowers etc
do you help around the house, cooking cleaning etc.
give her some time to herself to sit and read in the garden or justto relax in the sun
but what ever you do dont have an affair. remember sex isnt everything
if in doubt don't - nothing worse than a lifetime of regrets - what is more important, a stable relationship with a few issues that can be worked out in time or just a fuck.... as you get older, sex becomes less of a concern in the circle of life, more important things to worry about.
I've been in a 'libidinously incompatible' marriage' (Although definitely not my current one!!) Affairs, or any sort of playing around did not help. Whilst I would never want to change what I have now, a recent read has helped me put my earlier relationship in perspective. "Passionate Marriage", by David Schnarch might be of interest.
There are as many opinions as there are swingers in here; so here's mine The more sensual and sexual pleasure my wife enjoys, the more monogamously excited I am with her - works for us.
lots of good points and tips in here
I think being sexually compatible is very important in a relationship. If you aren't but you love each other regardless and are happy in every other way then I'd like to think you can be open and honest about your needs. Of course this might not always work out as intended, but yeah.... I actually had a friend who used to cheat on his wife, I asked him why because I couldn't understand especially since he used to say how much he loved her etc, he told me it was because his wife didn't like sex.. now after about a year of swinging as a single guy this guy comes back to me and tells me how much better his sex life with his wife is and hows he's left all the adult sites. Turns out he wasn't being as attentive to her needs as he thought and the swinging he did changed his attitude towards sex and his wife benefited from it and her libido was rekindled as a result. That's a good outcome though and one that rarely happens from what I hear.
Either way, I hope anyone faced with this dilemma makes the right choice for them.
We agree with Sammi, hence we believe in Polyamory (not polygamy, POLYAMORY - look it up if you don't know the difference)
We know that there's no one in the world that meets your every need/aspect og your personality, so why not have more than one person in your life, to compensate?
We don't believe in cheating, as that leads to relationship break downs etc, but having an open, honest and communicative relationship means everyone's happy, and satisfied. Hence we're on here looking for couples to be friends first & foremost with.
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The more sensual and sexual pleasure my wife enjoys, the more monogamously excited I am with her - works for us.