I'm wondering why no one replies to messages.
I hang my head in shame that I'm a single guy - but I write nice personal messages, send pics and get nothing back. It amazes me that swingers can be so unfriendly. A quick no thanks would be good and polite for everyone
Who's up for being polite and saying no thanks?
We make the effort to reply to nearly everybody.
9 times out of 10 our reply to single guys is "Sorry, we prefer people who read our profile", because almost without exception the single guy does not fit our stated criteria. Sometimes though, so little effort has gone into his message that we're not going to make any effort to reply.
I'm not sure what your idea of a "nice personal message" is, but your profile is very brief and uninspiring (to us). It would appear that you're falling into the same trap that so many others do, and treat profiles (and possibly messages) like a job application rather than a social contact. Would you walk up to a girl in a bar (or even at a swingers party) and say "Hi, I'm Peter. I'm a fun and intelligent guy looking to get laid. Want to see my cock?". Obviously it's a bit more direct here, but the same principles still apply. You need to sell yourself with actions rather than words. If you think you're fun, demonstrate it with something fun in your profile/message. If you think you're intelligent, let that shine through in the way you write. Show that you've read your target's profile by working a reference to it into your message. Try to find a way to engage your audience rather than simply listing your job skills and hoping for a call up.
Very similar here.....My profile is quite explicit about single guys, but in saying that, those that acknowledge they have read my profile, accept that I am not looking for a male, write a polite and respectful message, and perhaps include something in the message as to why they wanted to contact me usually get a response from me.
It is these respectful males that will be my first contacts in the future if the situation changes and I *may* be looking for a male.
If the message is not respectful, aimed purely at sex for them, and/or is all about their wanger and how great it is....unfortunately there is a very unlikely chance of a response from me. If they have not respected my profile, they are very unlikely to respect my husband and our wishes/likes/boundaries if it goes any further. It tells me a lot about them immediately.
There are single guys here that give the genuine ones a bad rap. Keep at it, keep respectful and polite and I can be pretty sure you will get more than if you acted otherwise :-D
Happygirl
Interesting responses so far. Thanks for the comments about profile and messages etc - and yet you didn't really address the point.
Notwithstanding the content of any profile or message - why can't people just politely say no thanks?
But thanks for your insight
There is a simple adage that we try to live by, that being 'courtesy is deserved, respect is earned' and by that we simply mean that a reply is at the very least, courtesy and as such is (again) at the very least deserved where someone has taken the time to message. However, if one expects the courtesy of a reply, should they not also give courtesy to the receiver of the message and ensure that they (the sender) does indeed match the criteria outlined in the profile of the recipient? Certainly and with that said there will be some people who will send what they feel (and what may well be) fantastically courteous messages and yet do not meet a profile requirements, yet when no reply is forthcoming they feel affronted in some way. Is this fair? But with that all said and done, a well written message is far better than a quick, short 'in the car now, wanna fuck' type of message that are received from time to time, and irrespective of whether a person meets requirements of ours a well written message will be read and we will eventually reply. That all said however, there is no doubt that at times we take to long to reply to messages and some may see this as us 'ignoring' or similar, but genuinely that is not the case just as I suspect for many people it is not the case, but a result of simply being overwhelmed. Yes, it would be nice and courteous if a reply was sent and it is not just the realm of the single guy either as we have sent many messages yet receive no reply but we do not feel affronted in any way, nor feel sorry for ourselves and simply take it as 'part of the territory'. Yes, you may be offended at times by a lack of reply, but at the same time many people who are sent messages are as offended when the sender has paid no notice to the profile. And just to clarify, we have had no interaction with the original poster and do not aim any of the above comments at him personally but are speaking in 'general' terms
Hi Peter,
Imagine getting 10 - 20 msgs a day from single males when your profile states that single males are not what you're looking for. It does get a bit tiring responding to people who are not what you're looking for. At the start we tried to respond to all but in the end just got fed up and now think "why bother".
I know that's not what you want to to hear but it's really important to target the right market.
Make yourself known other ways i.e. in the chat rooms, attend meet and greets (there's a Melb one this Sat night in St Kilda) and give yourself a point of difference.
I did kind of address it in my initial reply, but it's largely as shebagazz says.
Many people get sick to death of receiving messages from people (mostly guys) who clearly have not read their profile and do not fit the criteria of what is being sought. Why should we reply to someone who hasn't shown us the courtesy of reading our profile or has read it and is rude enough to still message us against our wishes? That fact is that we usually still do reply, but I can understand why many wouldn't.
Assuming you do read profiles and send nice messages, I guess some people simply get too many messages to reply to them all. Others might feel awkward about writing a rejection. And others may have no reasonable excuse - they may simply be lacking in courtesy (a habit not unique to single guys).
If you like, if it would make you really happy, you can message us and we'll give you a quick "No thanks" reply. :P
Quote by petergenguy I'm wondering why no one replies to messages. I hang my head in shame that I'm a single guy - but I write nice personal messages, send pics and get nothing back. It amazes me that swingers can be so unfriendly. A quick no thanks would be good and polite for everyone Who's up for being polite and saying no thanks?
You've been only been on here for 5 days! Patience is a virtue....
I thought I kind of covered off on it too......Like has been said before, if single guys have not taken the time to read my profile before sending me a message, why should I spend most of my time on here writing reply's back to all of them instead of concentrating on what I am REALLY here for?
On the other hand, if a single guy messages me and acknowledges that he has read my profile and then outlines why he thought it was still worth messaging me, (ie - has what might be considered a genuine reason...some do have them) and has taken the time to write this in his message to me, in many cases a response will be forthcoming.
Others might be just plain rude and not respond? I have had people message me that met my critieria, and when I return message them I never hear from them again! (sorta makes me wonder why they bothered in the first place?)
We are all different I guess, but I hope that is a little clearer on the background of why I may not return messages. Not sure that everyone is the same tho.
Happygirl
I agree with most of the posts in this thread.
A message from a single male, saying...'wanna hook up' or 'I love your pics'
is not enough!!
Considering most people on here are couples wanting to meet couples, is you want to join
a couple for some fun...work it!
Sell yourself. Everyone has to bring something to the table and if your a single male on
a swinger forum, you do have to put the effort in.
I do my best to respond to my messages but I must admit if I get one line messages with no
personal touch, they do blend in with the rest of the mundane messages that don't show me
charisma or personality.
If you want to be part of a fun sexual encounter...do the maths and make it work for you x
Quote by petergenguy Interesting responses so far. Thanks for the comments about profile and messages etc - and yet you didn't really address the point. Notwithstanding the content of any profile or message - why can't people just politely say no thanks? But thanks for your insight
Because, from my perspective - if the guy simply hasn't taken the time to read the profile and the ad (and I acknowledge they are long, but for good reason), then I don't have the time to waste either.... If I want people of a mid 30's upwards age, caucasian and cut only - whilst understanding that we don't actually live where I want to play, then get contacted by boys younger than my lady's or my kids, of the wrong nationality with a 3 inch uncut dick wanting to fuck tonight (when we are in Canberra), why should I bother? Manners go both ways, and it starts with me only being contacted by guys that might generally suit my requirements... I think that by NOT responding sometimes I am being more polite, if you get my drift.....
I to cannot understand why people dont or cant be bothered to reply, I think a lot of them just want to be chased or count how many others are reading their posts It is down right rude and inconsiderate to recieve a message and not to even take the time to reply even its just to say no thanks , i even send a secound message now thanking them for not replying to the first one and that dosent even stir them up ,I think that it showes that most on here are not as game as they think they are
we can all play LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, although you may not be compatiable with some one , does it really hurt you to say thanks not interested, you can do this as soon as you read there all know what were after on here, it doesnt take three days or a week to make up your mind , if it does I feel ,you need to give it a lot more thought before you log your post ,
What a pile of self seving crap you obviously havent read or comprehended a single response within this thread , but instead twist your own imagination to make yourself appear a victim or rudeness. for fucks sake couples and single girls are sick to death of your half ass huge cock promises and veiled indignation when they dont reply.
Please re read what has been posted, most initially do try to reply but after months and years of it come to realise you guys dont give a shit about the stated preferences and just keep massaging and you think your so clever as to send massages thanking them for further wasting the time of those who dont want your approaches or cant physically answer all the approaches they get and mostly dont want , you need to understand its not about you , people on here want to fill there needs and their partners needs not yours, if by chance those needs correspond to yours you might get lucky if not tough for you .
It takes many hours of chat and messaging and meets to find compatible people, dont be so bloody lazy and unrealistic to think you joined this site roots are coming your way just click send wank or an unwanted message and they will be allover you get real, even if they do want you it isnt that easy .
Swinging and hooking up for sex requires careful consideration when in a partnership.
Sharing intimate sexual encouters, takes courage for some but also its not something that all
people throw around easily, so yeah you do have to make the effort and put your ego aside
and approach people with abit of respect.
Reading profiles is something I always do, whether I'm initiating the first contact or someone
who's contacted me.
I will only reply if they are polite and considerate, otherwise, I do ignore it and thats anyones right.
This is a free will activity and no one has to do anything, if they don't want to.
But if guys are wondering why they don't get replies, its time to re-evaluate their approach.
If I don't get a reply soonish, I leave the ball in their court and sometimes people have responded weeks
later. There is no desperate hurry...I'm horny yeah but if we can't find a compatiable person to hook up with,
we go to clubs.
And demanding pictures is rude too...this is one sure way, we won't show any extra pics.
Desperation is a very unattractive quality.
On another site, I recently caught someone out posing as a couple, his chic wasn't available and
he was sooo persistant in hooking up with us on his own, even though we were clear about the way we play.
I ended up ignoring him, he was rude, impatient and demanded pics. He didn't respect our wishes so there was nothing further to be said.
I think there is a limit to how much can be sussed out online.
A few exchanges of messages/pics (not face) and then to meet up.
In person - is the best way to tell if there is chemistry. People hide behind the computer and
paint themselves to be something their not and so thats why meeting is the surest way to know
if its going to happen.
We once received an essay and long list of what we had to do before we met a couple who were interested in and their
requests were for quite personal information. There is a limit on how much you share with someone you haven't met
and we're well within our rights to only share minimal info.
Respect online and respect in the bedroom will go a long way
Quote by SensualBiChic Swinging and hooking up for sex requires careful consideration when in a partnership. Sharing intimate sexual encouters, takes courage for some but also its not something that all people throw around easily, so yeah you do have to make the effort and put your ego aside and approach people with abit of respect. Reading profiles is something I always do, whether I'm initiating the first contact or someone who's contacted me. I will only reply if they are polite and considerate, otherwise, I do ignore it and thats anyones right. This is a free will activity and no one has to do anything, if they don't want to. But if guys are wondering why they don't get replies, its time to re-evaluate their approach. If I don't get a reply soonish, I leave the ball in their court and sometimes people have responded weeks later. There is no desperate hurry...I'm horny yeah but if we can't find a compatiable person to hook up with, we go to clubs. And demanding pictures is rude too...this is one sure way, we won't show any extra pics. Desperation is a very unattractive quality. On another site, I recently caught someone out posing as a couple, his chic wasn't available and he was sooo persistant in hooking up with us on his own, even though we were clear about the way we play. I ended up ignoring him, he was rude, impatient and demanded pics. He didn't respect our wishes so there was nothing further to be said. I think there is a limit to how much can be sussed out online. A few exchanges of messages/pics (not face) and then to meet up. In person - is the best way to tell if there is chemistry. People hide behind the computer and paint themselves to be something their not and so thats why meeting is the surest way to know if its going to happen. We once received an essay and long list of what we had to do before we met a couple who were interested in and their requests were for quite personal information. There is a limit on how much you share with someone you haven't met and we're well within our rights to only share minimal info. Respect online and respect in the bedroom will go a long way
Quote by petergenguy Interesting responses so far. Thanks for the comments about profile and messages etc - and yet you didn't really address the point. Notwithstanding the content of any profile or message - why can't people just politely say no thanks? But thanks for your insight
People don't need to just politely say no thanks if they have specified 'no single males'. They are already saying no thanks in their profile. It's really about respecting others and their wishes not to be contacted by single males. It is very important to read peoples profiles, to see whether you meet their criteria and vice versa. I hope this helps and good luck.
I wonder if it would be good to have an option, something like "Only allow contact from people matching my criteria"...?? I'm sure I've seen something like this on another site. That would give people who are being swamped by messages from incompatible peeps the ability to automatically filter a lot of them out.
Of course some people would get around this by just changing their profile to suit, but it would catch all of those who simply don't bother reading profiles - or don' take them seriously.
people can block messages from groups they dont want to be contacted by, you just cant block individuals from contacting you.
if they dont want male profiles contacting them - they can block them
if they dont want female profiles contacting them - they can block them
if they dont want couples contacting them - they can block them
these privacy options can be found in your settings menu under the privacy tab. The block options are found under your mail settings on the right
Quote by OKandQ What a pile of self seving crap you obviously havent read or comprehended a single response within this thread , but instead twist your own imagination to make yourself appear a victim or rudeness. for fucks sake couples and single girls are sick to death of your half ass huge cock promises and veiled indignation when they dont reply. Please re read what has been posted, most initially do try to reply but after months and years of it come to realise you guys dont give a shit about the stated preferences and just keep massaging and you think your so clever as to send massages thanking them for further wasting the time of those who dont want your approaches or cant physically answer all the approaches they get and mostly dont want , you need to understand its not about you , people on here want to fill there needs and their partners needs not yours, if by chance those needs correspond to yours you might get lucky if not tough for you . It takes many hours of chat and messaging and meets to find compatible people, dont be so bloody lazy and unrealistic to think you joined this site roots are coming your way just click send wank or an unwanted message and they will be allover you get real, even if they do want you it isnt that easy .
I could not have said it any better myself. As a couple, we have chosen this lifestyle to further OUR OWN relationship and sex life. If we quite clearly put on our profile that we are not interested in single males, why should we we then be made to feel obligated to reply to all the guys sending us messages. If you read a profile and clearly says no single guys, why would you even waste your time sending a message, let alone checking your mailbox for messages or getting upset because no one has replied. As a young woman, and not very worldly i would hazard to guess that say 95% of the couples on here have actually had to work on their relationship to arrive at the point to establish that they would like to try the swinging lifestyle over some time. So what then gives you the right to think that you can just barge in, send a message like "wanna fuck" and then have the balls to complain that noone responds to your messages. Time to grow up i think. Most people fill out their profiles to find what THEY are looking for. So take time, read profiles and if you dont fit what they are looking for, leave them alone to enjoy their search
Quote by Infinite_Sky people can block messages from groups they dont want to be contacted by, you just cant block individuals from contacting you. if they dont want male profiles contacting them - they can block them if they dont want female profiles contacting them - they can block them if they dont want couples contacting them - they can block them these privacy options can be found in your settings menu under the privacy tab. The block options are found under your mail settings on the right
Thanks, Sky. But I was thinking of something a little more... discriminating. For example, straight / bi / gay, age range...
Quote by bizibaz_1 I to cannot understand why people dont or cant be bothered to reply, I think a lot of them just want to be chased or count how many others are reading their posts It is down right rude and inconsiderate to recieve a message and not to even take the time to reply even its just to say no thanks , i even send a secound message now thanking them for not replying to the first one and that dosent even stir them up ,I think that it showes that most on here are not as game as they think they are we can all play LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, although you may not be compatiable with some one , does it really hurt you to say thanks not interested, you can do this as soon as you read there all know what were after on here, it doesnt take three days or a week to make up your mind , if it does I feel ,you need to give it a lot more thought before you log your post ,
It says on your profile that you're a straight male yet you're looking for a bi male? How does that work?
perhaps a suggestion to make to admin afflixion?
I think a bi/gay/straight filter for contacting would be great especially for those who get offended when someone not of the orientation they are looking for contacts them
Hi,
Im an admin and ive read your post Affixion i think its a great idea and i have passes it on to the technical team and the big bosses to see if they could add this in the future.
0 likes
