A father and son are having a talk about the birds and the bees. The son asks "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"
The father thinks for a second and answers "Son, before sex it looks like the petals of a beautiful rose"
"And what does it look like after sex dad?"
"Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"
Yeah fake moaning is the worst, like when you see a cam girl touch her leg and is moaning like someone put a clamp on her clit. I don't care how sensitive your leg is lady, it's not THAT sensitive.
I can keep going after cumming more or less straight away, but I have to time it right, if I keep going straight away, it becomes too sensitive, but if I slow down too long, I start to lose it, but after a lot of practice I can do it most times I try. When it works the second time is usually even better as I can go harder without as fast a build up toward orgasm as I've already released.
Record is 5 in a row, shot every time, but by the 5 there wasn't much more then a dot out of the hole. These days it's more my fitness that stops me then going soft after cumming :P
It should be easy, but evidence proves it doesn't happen voluntarily :P
And Haidee, I'd love to ignore the people too stupid to put it, but given topics for Tassie meets come by so infrequently, if I ignored the ones that don't put it themselves, I'd be down to about a post a month in my state. Don't know if it's the weather, or we're all just shy, but there's not much of a scene in Hobart.
But that's the point, it would only take an extra box next to subject for the lets meetup and dogging sections. You can't make a topic without a subject, you can make a drop down box with states in it, then people wouldn't be able to make the topic without at least narrowing it to which state the topic is aimed at. Then it wouldn't matter how lazy the topic creator is, it'd still say.
mine is in my profile, but I'm not the one making the topics, people don't need to know where I am from before I even look in their topics let alone post.
While the opening post wasn't that clear I kind of agree. If I go into one of the hookup sections and a topic title doesn't tell me where it is, chances are I wont even click on it, and if I do and it still doesn't tell me where, then I might check the profile. But it'd help everyone know if the topic is even relevant to them in the first place if there was something to indicate where it was located. I wouldn't do it automatically off profiles though as a lot of people play on holidays, maybe a location box next to subject when creating the topic? It's all well and good to tell people they should be reading profiles, but if you don't even think the topic is relevant to you, you probably wont get as far as the profile when the topic might actually apply to you.
I couldn't give you stats for it Bay, but I have seen enough posts on here from members saying they prefer married men, definitely not a majority, but there's still plenty of them.
Brissy, I don't think it's the price that was the problem, it's that you didn't mention it anywhere earlier. If you'd explained there was a cost and why from the start I doubt anyone would complain.
I think the point is more if you're going to a meet and greet, you want to meet and greet people, not sit there for a few hours watching the tv and yelling at umpires.
I've checked out a few of the ones listed in the dogging area at the top of the site, but either they don't get used any more, or I have bad timing as I've never found anything going on.
"Today's class is about imagination" said the teacher.
"Behind my back I've got something round, red and juicy"
Nancy puts up her hand "Is it an apple Miss?"
"No Nancy, but good try, you're really using your imagination"
"Is it a tomato Miss" said Angelica in the front row.
"Well done, yes it's a tomato" replied the teacher
Suddenly at the back of the class little Johnny jumps up and shoves his hand down his pants.
"In my hand I've got something an inch long, stiff and it has a red tip"
The teacher looks furious and yells at little Johnny "GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY!"
Little Johnny just grins and says "It's only a matchstick miss, but at least you're using your imagination!"
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Buckwheat and Darla are sitting in an Alabama school spelling bee. The teacher turns to Darla and says "Darla, spell dumb"
"D-u-m-b" says Darla
"Good, now use it in a sentence"
"Buckwheat is dumb"
The teacher frowns "Not the sentence I'd use, but correct, next spell Stupid"
"s-t-u-p-i-d" replies Darla
"Now use it in a sentence" asks the teacher
"Buckwheat is stupid"
"Correct again but I don't think you're taking this seriously, so we'll move on to Buckwheat. Buckwheat, spell Dictate" says the now annoyed teacher.
Buckwheat smiles and says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e"
"Good, now use it in a sentence" says the teacher, relieved things seem to be going back to normal.
"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dic-tate good"
One thing I haven't seen mentioned for why there are so many guys per girl or couple here is how many gay or bi guys are on the site. Every day when I log on at least 3 out of 5 of the last people to view my profile are guys
Sex with a pregnant girl is definitely on my sexual bucket list. For me it's not even the bigger breasts during pregnancy, but the look of the taught skin over the baby bump
and mayo spilt down her top
One night a couple was sitting on the couch talking when they heard a terrible noise outside. They ran out to see what it was. When they got there they were shocked to see that and alien spaceship had landed in their backyard. The aliens said, "Don't worry we come in peace. We just want to talk."
So the couple and the aliens sit down and begin talking. After awhile they start to get tired so they decide to go to bed. The alien couple said, "Look we've never had sex with a human and we know you've never had sex with an alien so how about we switch places for the night." The human couple agreed. The human woman and the male alien began messing around in a bedroom.
When the alien dude pulled out his dick the woman complained that it was too small, so he said, "Oh, that's no problem." He hit himself on the forehead and it grew an inch.
"Wow! That's amazing!"
"Yeah", he replied "just keep doing that until it's the size you want it."
After awhile she got it where she wanted it and then complained that it wasn't thick enough. He said, "Well watch this," and pulled his ears. It became a bit thicker.
"Just keep doing that until its the size you want it." After that they started banging.
The next morning after the aliens left the human couple were talking and the male asks, "So how was it?" She replied, "It was the most amazing sex I've ever had. What about you?"
"I hated it," he said.
"Why?"
"The bitch kept hitting me on the head and pulling my ears!"
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
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A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him. Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?" so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things going?". Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't know the President. So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says "Benny you know you can't just show up here like this." Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?" So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope. So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come out there with the Pope." So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out. He goes down there and says "Are you that surprised that I know the Pope?" he goes "No somebody walked behind me and said who's that guy up there with Benny!"
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention ?" the friend asked. "You look fine to me."
"I know !" grinned the patient. "But the Nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven
stitches."
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Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat? They both feel good, but you wonder who's been there before you
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What do parsley and pubic hair have in common? You push them aside and keep on eating
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Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
as long as people enjoy them, I'll keep posting them :P
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of the
American Indians. After a tour of the reservation they lived on,
she asked why there was a difference in the number of feathers found
in the headdresses of the various Indians.
She asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress what
this meant. His reply was "Me have only one squaw, me have only one
feather."
She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking,
this brave had four feathers in his headdress.. He replied, "Ugh, me
have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws"
Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of
squaws involved, she decided to interview the chief.
Now the cheif had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to
say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the chief, "Why do you have so
many feathers in your headdress?"
The Chief proudly beat his chest and said, "Me chief, me fuck-em
all; big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters
stated, " You should be hung." The cheif replied, "You damned right
me hung--me hung like buffalo."
Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamn hostile." The
chief replied, "Hoss style, dog-style, any style, me fuck-em all."
Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear." The cheif replied,
"No deer,----me fuck no deer. Run too fast, assholes too high. No
fuck deer."
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
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How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
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This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".
You'd like to think most of this should just be common sense, and even though I'm a bit of a lurker on here, I'd like to think if I was messaging women and couples I wouldn't be that stupid. The problem with this topic is we all know what kinds of guys these are, they've probably never been on the forums, they sign up, search for any woman (couple or single) sorted by proximity and send out batches of messages without ever doing more then looking at pictures. There's thousands of them and more signing up every day, so for every single guy we educate here, 10 more take their place. Only thing I can think of is reporting the really stupid ones that completely ignore the requirements, enough of them get sanctioned and they might start to take notice.
I was only going off Aussie Poli's, I generally have no idea who the ones from other countries are, although Condileezza Rice from US wasn't bad.
Haven't really found a poli attractive since Natasha Stott Despoja
Where's that? Only Adams beach on Google maps is in Bridport.
There seems to be a few interested, could just name a spot and time.
